Has "Where Do You Feel That in Your Body?" Become Therapy's New Cliché?
- Canterbury Village Counsellor
- Jun 4
- 4 min read
A few decades ago, therapy had a reputation.
People would share something painful, complicated, or deeply personal and eventually hear:
"And how does that make you feel?"
The question became so associated with therapy that it found its way into films, television, and comedy sketches.
These days, I wonder if we've found a new version of it.
"Where do you feel that in your body?"
Before I upset half the therapy profession, let me be clear: I think it's often a valuable question.
Sometimes it's exactly the right question.
But I also think it's becoming one of those therapeutic phrases that risks being used so frequently that it loses some of its meaning.
The Question Isn't the Problem
The body matters.
Our bodies often notice things before our conscious minds do.
Anxiety might show up as a tight chest.
Fear might feel like a knot in the stomach.
Shame can feel heavy and collapsing.
Anger can create heat and tension.
Learning to notice these signals can be incredibly helpful.
For many people, paying attention to bodily sensations creates awareness that wasn't available through thinking alone.
So the issue isn't the question itself.
The issue is whether we're asking it because it genuinely serves the person in front of us, or because it has become part of the therapy script.
Not Everyone Enters Through the Same Door
One thing I have noticed is that people access themselves differently.
Some people connect through emotions.
Some through bodily sensations.
Some through memories.
Some through stories.
Some through ideas and patterns.
Some through metaphors.
For one person, being asked where they feel something in their body might unlock a whole new level of awareness.
For another, it might feel like an irritating diversion from what they're actually trying to say.
Neither response is wrong.
They're simply different.
When the Question Arrives Too Soon
Sometimes clients are still trying to make sense of what they're talking about.
They're exploring something complicated.
They're finding language for an experience they've never spoken about before.
And then comes:
"Where do you feel that in your body?"
At that moment, they may not know.
Or they may not care.
Or they may be thinking:
"I'm currently trying to explain twenty years of family dynamics. I haven't got as far as my spleen yet."
Humour aside, timing matters.
People often need to feel understood before they can slow down enough to notice what's happening internally.
The Neurodiversity Question
This is something I think about particularly when working with neurodiverse clients.
Many neurodiverse people process through connections, patterns, ideas, and narratives.
Their thinking may move quickly.
Insights may emerge through talking something through rather than pausing to locate a sensation in the body.
When this way of processing is repeatedly interrupted, the person may feel misunderstood rather than supported.
It's not that body awareness isn't useful.
It's that there may be more than one route towards understanding.
From Curiosity to Technique
Like many therapeutic interventions, this question works best when it emerges from genuine curiosity.
Not because the therapist has reached page 47 of the manual.
Not because it's the question they're "supposed" to ask.
But because it feels relevant to what is happening in the room.
Clients are often surprisingly good at sensing the difference.
They know when a question is helping them explore something.
And they know when a question feels like it's been pulled from a therapeutic lucky dip.
In Closing
I don't think we need to retire the question.
Far from it.
Sometimes "Where do you feel that in your body?" is exactly what opens the door to something important.
But perhaps we need to be careful that useful questions don't become automatic ones.
Because therapy was never supposed to be about finding the right phrase.
It was supposed to be about understanding the person sitting in front of you.
And sometimes that understanding starts in the body.
Sometimes it starts in a story.
Sometimes it starts somewhere else entirely.
Thinking about starting therapy?
I work with adults (neurotypical and neurodiverse) who are curious about their inner world and want to explore relational patterns, emotional triggers, and the stories they carry.
My approach is collaborative, integrative, and grounded in real conversation - not just labels. I draw from Gestalt, Parts, Relational Person-Centred and Transactional Analysis approaches, and offer both in-person and remote sessions.
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If you’re considering therapy and want to talk through what you're looking for, you're welcome to book a free 15-minute introduction call. No pressure - just a chance to see if we’d work well together.
