Why “Slowing Down” in Therapy Can Be Frustrating for Neurodiverse People
- Canterbury Village Counsellor
- Mar 19
- 3 min read
In therapy, it’s common to hear phrases like “let’s slow down for a moment” or “can we pause and stay with that feeling?”
For some people, these invitations are helpful. Slowing down can make space for reflection and allow emotions to surface more clearly.
But for many neurodiverse people, being asked to slow down in therapy can feel confusing, frustrating, or even slightly alienating.
Not because they don’t want to engage in the work, but because their mind may already be operating in a way that makes the request feel mismatched with their internal experience.
A Mind That Moves Quickly
Many neurodiverse individuals describe their thinking as fast-moving, layered, and associative.
Ideas connect rapidly. Thoughts arrive in clusters. One insight can lead to five others in a matter of seconds.
What may appear from the outside as “going too fast” can actually be a person following a complex internal map of connections.
So when a therapist asks them to slow down, it can sometimes feel like being asked to interrupt a process that is already meaningful and productive.
The intention behind the request may be to create clarity, but the experience for the client can be more like having their train of thought derailed.
Processing Looks Different
Another important factor is that emotional processing does not look the same for everyone.
Some people process emotions slowly and internally, needing time and space to notice what they feel.
Others process through thinking, talking, or making connections between ideas.
For neurodiverse individuals, cognitive exploration can actually be the way emotions are understood. Following the thread of thoughts, patterns, and observations may eventually lead them directly to the emotional core.
When that process is interrupted too early, it can feel as though the natural route to understanding has been cut off.
The Assumption Behind “Slow Down”
In therapy training, slowing down is often associated with grounding and emotional presence.
But this assumes that moving quickly means someone is avoiding their feelings.
For neurodiverse clients, this may not be the case at all.
They may be deeply engaged, noticing patterns, reflecting on experiences, and making meaning in ways that are authentic to how their brain works.
When the pace of their thinking is interpreted as avoidance, it can feel invalidating.
Not intentionally so, but enough to create a subtle sense of being misunderstood.
When Slowing Down Does Help
This doesn’t mean slowing down is never useful.
Sometimes it does help neurodiverse clients notice things they might otherwise miss. The difference is that slowing down works best when it is collaborative rather than imposed.
Instead of interrupting the flow of thinking, a therapist might ask questions that stay alongside it:
“I notice there are a lot of connections happening here. Which one feels most important to you right now?”
Or:
“As you’re talking about this, do you notice anything happening in your body?”
These kinds of invitations respect the person’s natural thinking style while gently expanding awareness.
Meeting the Client Where They Are
Good therapy is rarely about forcing people into a particular rhythm.
It’s about understanding how someone’s mind works and adapting the space so that it supports, rather than disrupts, their way of processing.
For neurodiverse people, that may mean allowing faster thinking, following complex threads of conversation, or recognising that insight sometimes arrives through movement rather than stillness.
Slowing down can still be part of the process.
But it becomes helpful only when it honours the way the person in the room actually experiences the world.
In Closing
If you’ve ever been told to slow down in therapy and felt frustrated, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re resisting the work.
It may simply mean your mind moves differently. And therapy, at its best, is flexible enough to move with you.
Thinking about starting therapy?
I work with adults (neurotypical and neurodiverse) who are curious about their inner world and want to explore relational patterns, emotional triggers, and the stories they carry.
My approach is collaborative, integrative, and grounded in real conversation - not just labels. I draw from Gestalt, Person-Centred and Transactional Analysis approaches, and offer both in-person and remote sessions.
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