The Need to Know vs. the Need to Feel

Many of us respond to emotional pain by trying to understand it rather than actually feel it. When something hurts, our first instinct might be to ask, “Why do I feel this way? How can I fix it?”

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When Understanding Becomes a Shield

Sometimes in therapy—or life—we reach for explanations. We want to understand why we feel how we feel. What caused it. Where it came from. What it means.

This isn’t wrong. In fact, it’s protective. For many people (especially those who’ve had to self-manage pain or stay in control to survive), understanding emotions feels safer than feeling them.

But healing doesn’t always start with insight. Sometimes, it begins the moment we stop analysing—and allow ourselves to feel.

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Why We Try to Solve Our Feelings

• Because feeling them feels scary, chaotic, or out of control

• Because logic gave us a sense of safety growing up

• Because we were praised for being “strong” or “resilient,” not soft

• Because we don’t know what we’d find if we let the feelings in

So we intellectualise. We ask why. But the nervous system doesn’t speak in essays—it speaks in sensation. And sometimes it just needs to be heard.

What This Might Look Like in Therapy

You might say:

• “I know this probably comes from my childhood…”

• “I’ve been thinking about why I react this way”

• “It’s like I can explain it, but I can’t stop feeling it”

And that’s the point. Knowing can coexist with feeling, but it can’t replace it. The work is in creating enough safety to let the feeling arrive—without needing to decode it first.

A serene and supportive counselling session unfolds, capturing the intimate connection between two individuals engaged in meaningful conversation.

 Gentle Reframe

• You don’t have to justify every emotion to be allowed to feel it

• Understanding can come after compassion—not instead of it

• Your body might know the truth before your brain does

  
  

If you often find yourself trying to think your way out of your feelings, you're not alone. Therapy can be a space to gently shift from insight to embodiment—where your story still matters, but so does your felt experience.

You can book a free introductory call if you're curious about what that might look like in practice.

You don’t need to have all the answers to begin healing.