When Guilt Doesn’t Belong to You

“You’re making me feel bad.”“After everything I’ve done for you…”“I can’t believe you’d do this to me.”

A woman stands pensively against a dimly lit wall in an empty corridor, lost in thought and surrounded by shadows.

Sometimes guilt is healthy -it’s a signal that we’ve crossed our own values and need to repair. But sometimes guilt isn’t yours at all. It’s being handed to you.

What it looks like

This kind of guilt often shows up when:

• You set a boundary and someone reacts with disappointment

• You say no, and the other person tries to convince you you’re selfish

• Someone uses past sacrifices as leverage for your present choices

• You feel responsible for someone else’s emotions -when deep down, you know you shouldn’t

This isn’t guilt you generated. It’s guilt that’s been projected onto you.

Why it sticks

If you’ve learned from a young age to keep people happy, avoid conflict, or keep the peace at all costs -being on the receiving end of guilt can feel unbearable. Your nervous system registers it as danger. So instead of questioning whether the guilt is fair, you absorb it. And you carry it as if it’s yours.

A person covers their face with hands stained with black, conveying a raw and artistic expression against a dark background.

The cost of carrying other people’s guilt

When you constantly hold guilt that doesn’t belong to you, it can leave you:

• Over-apologising

• Doubting your decisions

• Saying yes when you want to say no

• Living under a constant low-level sense of shame

• Resentful but unable to voice it

It keeps you in a cycle where your needs come second -and you’re never quite allowed to feel at peace.

What therapy can help with

In therapy, we can:

• Explore where your sensitivity to guilt began

• Learn to notice when guilt is yours vs. when it’s handed to you

• Practise boundaries without crumbling under other people’s disappointment

• Rebuild your confidence in your own decisions

Because not all guilt is a sign you’ve done wrong.S ometimes it’s a sign you’ve started doing what’s right for you.

Two hands reaching towards each other against a blue sky, symbolizing connection and hope.

Not all guilt is yours to carry.

You’re allowed to step out from under the weight of someone else’s expectations. You don’t have to keep apologising for existing.

“No” does not make you unkind. It makes you human.

If you’re exhausted from carrying guilt that isn’t yours, therapy can help you put it down. You don’t have to keep shrinking to keep others comfortable.

You can find out more or book a session here.