“Why didn’t I do something? Why didn’t I say something?” If you’ve ever replayed a difficult moment and asked yourself these questions, you’re not alone. And you didn’t fail. You froze. Freezing isn’t weakness. It isn’t inaction. It’s your body protecting you.

You’re trying to stay calm… But suddenly everything feels too much. Or maybe the opposite—you go numb. Tired. Foggy. Disconnected. You wonder: Why do I freeze like that in conflict? Why can’t I just keep it together? Why do small things suddenly feel huge? There’s a name for this. It’s called your Window of Tolerance.

We’re often told that rest is good for us. That slowing down is essential.But if you’ve ever tried to actually rest—and ended up feeling more unsettled than calm—you’re not alone. In therapy, I often hear versions of the same thing:“I finally got a moment to myself… and I couldn’t relax.”“I sat down and felt guilty, like I should be doing something.”